Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The topic of the day is broken promises.

Well, where to begin? Seems my days are full of broken promises anymore. I don't know who or what to believe anymore. Life seems to be slowly falling apart. The one upside to all of this is my job. I finally got a teacher assistant position at a school I love with some SUPER amazing kids and staff. When I am at school I feel happy and free of burden. This may not make sense to you. While my job is physically demanding nothing in my life at this point gives me more joy than being at work. I feel let down in these other aspects of my life and part of me feels like it is my own fault. Do I put too much pressure on the people in my life? Am I forcing them to live up to my standards that are too high for them to reach? Are those goals unattainable?? I don't know. But it seems to me, that I am the ONLY common denominator.....

So, my husband and I moved to Florida last year to "better" ourselves. It has worked... kinda but it has been super hard. We have no family here, only a few friends/a family. So when we get into a bind, we struggle. When we want to be close to family we have to plan a month or so ahead of time. We decided that is all stuff we were okay with when we moved here. And I still feel the same way, HOWEVER, it is so hard when you do not have family and friends to fall back on in your time of need. It is enough to make you feel alone. My best friend is out of the state while her house is being built and we promised to keep in touch and skype with her and the kids we have only talked a handful of times and skyped once. I know she is busy, far busier than I am, it still sucks. It is horrible that you find stuff out on Facebook and that I cannot just drive to her house to hang out with her and the kids anytime. It is hard going from talking everyday to a few times a month, from living 5 minutes from each other to 5 states apart. My mom and sister are unreliable when it comes to communication. I know my mom comes by it honestly... hell she barely calls HER mom. My sister, on the other hand, I am not really sure what her excuse is. I have tried being nice, being mean, texting, calling and get shot down every time. At some point I have to give up, I have already. I know she is busy in her life but we use to be close and I would like to keep that relationship.....but if she felt the same way we would have it. I have done all that I can do.

I feel that everyone I know is moving ahead in their lives and here I am sitting at a standstill. I hate when people say they are going to do something and promise to do it and then DON'T DO IT! Vice-Versa.... if someone promises me that they wont do something  over and over again but then DO IT over again and again.... At what point do you kick those people out of your life? 

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