And there's your sign....

This story takes place on Saturday, August 31, 2013. I woke up, took Dustin to his friends house to carpool to work. I came home and showered. While I was in the shower I was thinking... I ALWAYS do my best thinking in the shower. Sometimes I pray there too. Well I was doing a combination of the two, thinking and praying, and I came to think about a promise I made to God. I promised that if I got a teaching job this year that I would donate $100 to St. Jude Children's Hospital with my first "teacher" paycheck! Well I wasn't expecting my first check till end of September but I received one at the end of August. (That Friday before.) When I thought about this promise I thought of what I would have to do to honor it. We don't have a working bank account right now so we don't have checks and I know St. Jude Children's Hospital does not take cash. The only other option I could think of was a money order. I told myself I would look it up later on the internet and decide what way I would do it to ensure I would honor my promise!

A little while later...
So, I leave the house, go pay rent and then come home for a few minutes to pass time till I met my friend Wavie for lunch. In the 30 minutes I was home the craziest things happened to me!! First, when I went pee (TMI, sorry) and flushed the toilet, the toilet started making some weird noises. When I turned around I see that the toilet is overflowing. I jump back and flip the rug out of the way then grab the plunger and start plunging. Water continues to pour out onto the floor then all of a sudden I hear this horrible gurgling noise and BOOM all the water is sucked back down and the toilet goes back to normal. We have lived in the apartment for 2 years now and have NEVER EVER had ANY issues with the toilet or plumbing at all! I pick up the rug to take it outside to dry because the corner is a little wet. As I open the door I see a BRIGHT flash of lightning that felt like it was right in front of me and immediately after that I hear a HUGE CRASH of thunder! It scared the crap out of me! The CRAZIEST part of all this.... it was SUNNY outside! There was literally no clouds in the sky AT ALL!! As I take the rug back into the bathroom to hang it on the tub I look at the towels mopping up the water on the floor and start to think maybe God is trying to tell me something. I think to myself, "Maybe God is trying to tell me to stay home." Maybe God is trying to keep me home so I don't have an accident or something." After contemplating a few moments about whether to call and cancel or not, I decide to go. I didn't have any bad feelings so I felt I was doing the right thing.

I got to Chili's first and while I am waiting for Wavie I notice something on the wall for a wristband that is $4.00 donated to St. Jude Children's Hospital. I thought to myself, "Hmmmm. I will ask about that." Well when Wavie gets there and we get seated the first thing the waitress tells us about the "Create a Pepper" fundraiser. You all have seen it, I am sure. You color the pepper any way you like and then you can donate some money! Well I already knew this was God's way of saying, "Ok, Kelani I gave you these two weird and crazy signs to get your attention.... HERE IS YOUR SIGN!!" Sometimes I can be a little slow on the uptake.... I proudly colored my pepper (looked horrible- but I tried, LOL) and wrote $100 in the donation box. Wavie was shocked, I told her my story and she said that is a testimony right there. When the waitress came to give us our bill she asked about our peppers. Wavie told her about hers and then said, "You have to hear her testimony (pointing at me) behind her donation!" When I hand her mine and she see the $100 bill she takes a step back and gets teary eyed and says, "Tell me your story." I told her EVERYTHING above that you have just read. She is holding back tears and says, " I have to tell you that this means a lot to me because St. Jude is close to my heart." She said her son was born with an extra chromosome (not down syndrome but something else) and her husband is in the military and is deployed often. She said that St. Jude has put her in a house during times when her son needed medical care. She said she knows families who have lost their children and St. Jude pays off their medical bills. She said she knew she was blessed because her son would live a long life with few limitations compared to other families who weren't so lucky. Her story touched me.

As we were leaving a manager and 2 other employees came up and thanked me for my donation. I guess she had went back and told coworkers my story. I know she was having a hard time containing herself while talking to me. It really touched my heart.

(Had I decided not to follow God's signs I would never have heard her story.)

I didn't do the donation for anyone other than God. I wanted to honor my promise to Him. I wanted to show Him that I will follow Him and try to LISTEN as best as possible. It is hard for me sometimes because... well I cant put into words why.... Other than it is hard trusting someone other than yourself. Especially a Higher power...

I wanted to share this story because it touched me in so many ways.
1. I was proud to honor my promise to God. Proud that I trusted Him and LISTENED to Him.
2. I wanted to share that I feel BLESSED because God did communicate with me and I was OPEN to it. Before I would have ignored it all.
3. It really touched my heart to hear her story.

Trials and Tribulations

Things haven't been easy for me lately. I am not whining or trying to throw a pity party. I am simply using this as the foundation to this post, in hopes that it may give someone who is questioning WHY, some help.

Sitting down and praying to God has been hit or miss with my lately. I have been WANTING to pray daily but never get around to it or have some excuse. I find myself praying only when I need or want something. Is that fair? No, and what kind of relationship is that? Would you want to be in a relationship in which you give more than you take? While reflecting one night I prayed and asked God to help me have a better relationship with Him, to please make me WANT to know AND need him daily. I did not know what I was asking. Matter of fact, I still don't! I had no idea of the trials and tribulations God would put on me, nor do I know the ones that are in store for me! But I have learned that that with God by my side I will be okay! I just need to keep my faith!

I haven't been to church in a long time, not since I moved to Florida. I have officially lived in Florida for 2 years. As soon as we moved here I found a job working at a gas station in which I worked 15 hours every Sunday (7am-10pm). Working those kinds of hours I could not attend church. I told myself and God that if I was able to leave the gas station (financially) then I would find a church and work on my relationship with God. God allowed this, as my last day at the gas station was June 9. Since then 4 Sundays have passed. Today was number 5 and I finally honored my promise and made it to church! In the last few weeks leading up to today several things have been great! Other things as far as my career have been "the road less traveled," in other words, rough. I was struggling and praying to God to help me fix these things. It wasn't until this Friday, July 12, that I realized what I was going through! I was going through Trials and Tribulations! On this day something terrible happened to me while I was working at the gas station (I was doing the owner a favor just for 2 days so he could attend his religious festival.) I am not ready to talk about what this "bad" is yet but I will share at a later time! I promise. I goggled, because Google has the answer for everything, Trials and Tribulations and what I found impacted me tremendously!

Trials and Tribulations are put on God's children to test us to stay loyal to God and to trust that he will get us through our conflict. God gives us these conflicts to help build our relationship with Him, to help increase your faith and trust in Him, that you will ask, Lord please help me get through this. He wants you to turn to Him in your time of dire need. This is a time where it can make or break your faith! This morning I went to a church my friend attends. She was not able to come today so I went alone, probably better anyway since I was a blubbering mess. But can you guess what this mornings message was??? It was Prophet Endurance..... in another words Prophets trials and tribulations. Think that is a coincidence?? I am not so sure.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Think about all of the Prophets in the Bible....Jeremiah, Daniel, Job, Jonah, Hosea, Zechariah, John the Baptist, Peter, Paul, James and even Jesus. Now think of their stories, think of their trials and tribulations and all the conflicts they went through. Daniel was a slave. Could we remain faithful dealing with what Daniel went through? Hosea married the prostitute Gomer and continued to forgive her. Could we have that kind of forgiveness for our spouse? Jonah disobeyed God and refused to go to Nineveh and got on a ship to sail in the opposite direction. He ended up jumping ship and was swallowed by a great fish. In this whale's belly where he sat for 3 days and 3 nights he repented and cried out for God. How many times have you ignored the word of God... or simply not heard it!? During these trials, during these tribulations we need to be patient and have trust, faith, praise and prayer with God. He is teaching us the endurance we will need later in life.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12

One last tidbit of information... One should not confuse trials and tribulations with consequences to your bad actions. There is a fine line.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

The topic of the day is broken promises.

Well, where to begin? Seems my days are full of broken promises anymore. I don't know who or what to believe anymore. Life seems to be slowly falling apart. The one upside to all of this is my job. I finally got a teacher assistant position at a school I love with some SUPER amazing kids and staff. When I am at school I feel happy and free of burden. This may not make sense to you. While my job is physically demanding nothing in my life at this point gives me more joy than being at work. I feel let down in these other aspects of my life and part of me feels like it is my own fault. Do I put too much pressure on the people in my life? Am I forcing them to live up to my standards that are too high for them to reach? Are those goals unattainable?? I don't know. But it seems to me, that I am the ONLY common denominator.....

So, my husband and I moved to Florida last year to "better" ourselves. It has worked... kinda but it has been super hard. We have no family here, only a few friends/a family. So when we get into a bind, we struggle. When we want to be close to family we have to plan a month or so ahead of time. We decided that is all stuff we were okay with when we moved here. And I still feel the same way, HOWEVER, it is so hard when you do not have family and friends to fall back on in your time of need. It is enough to make you feel alone. My best friend is out of the state while her house is being built and we promised to keep in touch and skype with her and the kids we have only talked a handful of times and skyped once. I know she is busy, far busier than I am, it still sucks. It is horrible that you find stuff out on Facebook and that I cannot just drive to her house to hang out with her and the kids anytime. It is hard going from talking everyday to a few times a month, from living 5 minutes from each other to 5 states apart. My mom and sister are unreliable when it comes to communication. I know my mom comes by it honestly... hell she barely calls HER mom. My sister, on the other hand, I am not really sure what her excuse is. I have tried being nice, being mean, texting, calling and get shot down every time. At some point I have to give up, I have already. I know she is busy in her life but we use to be close and I would like to keep that relationship.....but if she felt the same way we would have it. I have done all that I can do.

I feel that everyone I know is moving ahead in their lives and here I am sitting at a standstill. I hate when people say they are going to do something and promise to do it and then DON'T DO IT! Vice-Versa.... if someone promises me that they wont do something  over and over again but then DO IT over again and again.... At what point do you kick those people out of your life?