And there's your sign....

This story takes place on Saturday, August 31, 2013. I woke up, took Dustin to his friends house to carpool to work. I came home and showered. While I was in the shower I was thinking... I ALWAYS do my best thinking in the shower. Sometimes I pray there too. Well I was doing a combination of the two, thinking and praying, and I came to think about a promise I made to God. I promised that if I got a teaching job this year that I would donate $100 to St. Jude Children's Hospital with my first "teacher" paycheck! Well I wasn't expecting my first check till end of September but I received one at the end of August. (That Friday before.) When I thought about this promise I thought of what I would have to do to honor it. We don't have a working bank account right now so we don't have checks and I know St. Jude Children's Hospital does not take cash. The only other option I could think of was a money order. I told myself I would look it up later on the internet and decide what way I would do it to ensure I would honor my promise!

A little while later...
So, I leave the house, go pay rent and then come home for a few minutes to pass time till I met my friend Wavie for lunch. In the 30 minutes I was home the craziest things happened to me!! First, when I went pee (TMI, sorry) and flushed the toilet, the toilet started making some weird noises. When I turned around I see that the toilet is overflowing. I jump back and flip the rug out of the way then grab the plunger and start plunging. Water continues to pour out onto the floor then all of a sudden I hear this horrible gurgling noise and BOOM all the water is sucked back down and the toilet goes back to normal. We have lived in the apartment for 2 years now and have NEVER EVER had ANY issues with the toilet or plumbing at all! I pick up the rug to take it outside to dry because the corner is a little wet. As I open the door I see a BRIGHT flash of lightning that felt like it was right in front of me and immediately after that I hear a HUGE CRASH of thunder! It scared the crap out of me! The CRAZIEST part of all this.... it was SUNNY outside! There was literally no clouds in the sky AT ALL!! As I take the rug back into the bathroom to hang it on the tub I look at the towels mopping up the water on the floor and start to think maybe God is trying to tell me something. I think to myself, "Maybe God is trying to tell me to stay home." Maybe God is trying to keep me home so I don't have an accident or something." After contemplating a few moments about whether to call and cancel or not, I decide to go. I didn't have any bad feelings so I felt I was doing the right thing.

I got to Chili's first and while I am waiting for Wavie I notice something on the wall for a wristband that is $4.00 donated to St. Jude Children's Hospital. I thought to myself, "Hmmmm. I will ask about that." Well when Wavie gets there and we get seated the first thing the waitress tells us about the "Create a Pepper" fundraiser. You all have seen it, I am sure. You color the pepper any way you like and then you can donate some money! Well I already knew this was God's way of saying, "Ok, Kelani I gave you these two weird and crazy signs to get your attention.... HERE IS YOUR SIGN!!" Sometimes I can be a little slow on the uptake.... I proudly colored my pepper (looked horrible- but I tried, LOL) and wrote $100 in the donation box. Wavie was shocked, I told her my story and she said that is a testimony right there. When the waitress came to give us our bill she asked about our peppers. Wavie told her about hers and then said, "You have to hear her testimony (pointing at me) behind her donation!" When I hand her mine and she see the $100 bill she takes a step back and gets teary eyed and says, "Tell me your story." I told her EVERYTHING above that you have just read. She is holding back tears and says, " I have to tell you that this means a lot to me because St. Jude is close to my heart." She said her son was born with an extra chromosome (not down syndrome but something else) and her husband is in the military and is deployed often. She said that St. Jude has put her in a house during times when her son needed medical care. She said she knows families who have lost their children and St. Jude pays off their medical bills. She said she knew she was blessed because her son would live a long life with few limitations compared to other families who weren't so lucky. Her story touched me.

As we were leaving a manager and 2 other employees came up and thanked me for my donation. I guess she had went back and told coworkers my story. I know she was having a hard time containing herself while talking to me. It really touched my heart.

(Had I decided not to follow God's signs I would never have heard her story.)

I didn't do the donation for anyone other than God. I wanted to honor my promise to Him. I wanted to show Him that I will follow Him and try to LISTEN as best as possible. It is hard for me sometimes because... well I cant put into words why.... Other than it is hard trusting someone other than yourself. Especially a Higher power...

I wanted to share this story because it touched me in so many ways.
1. I was proud to honor my promise to God. Proud that I trusted Him and LISTENED to Him.
2. I wanted to share that I feel BLESSED because God did communicate with me and I was OPEN to it. Before I would have ignored it all.
3. It really touched my heart to hear her story.

"Something BIG done happened to me and I gotta tell the world about it!" Mary Mary

First, let me start by saying that if you haven't read my last post (or last few), maybe you should! It will give you some background information!

Over the last two weeks I have been having revelations about situations I am going through. I am positive it is God letting me know WHY I had to go through those situations! I understand that several people do not get those answers a lot of the time and for that, I feel blessed! He has pretty much validated to me why I went through all these bad things/obstacles! I am excited to share all this with you! So bare with me, it may be LONG!

Less than a month ago something terrible happened to me while I was working at the gas station. I mentioned this in my July 14 post-Trials and Tribulations. This thing had the power to affect my whole life! It could've affected my career in a negative way which is my means, my dream and it made me feel HORRIBLE. I am still not ready to go too much into it. (I know I promised I would but I am not sure I should.) Anyway, when this happened I felt horrible and my whole live became one big question mark. I had to realize what was wrong in my life and I am a big believer in Karma. You get what you deserve! I was trying to find out what it was I did wrong. I realized I had been telling God for a year that if He allowed me to not work on Sundays then I would go to church. Well I hadn't worked a Sunday for a month and never once went. Hindsight 20/20... he was making a path for me. He knew that the only way I would finally leave that gas station was to have something bad happen to me there to give me a "bad taste in my mouth" about it. He knows how stubborn I am. He wasn't punishing me, he was HELPING me!

Let me give you a timeline of my path:
**Friday, July 12, 2013- This is the day the bad event happened and I felt horrible. On that day I realized this was a trial and tribulation that God was giving me to guide me to where He wants me! I had been praying for God to help build our relationship and He gave me Trials and Tribulations so I would trust Him! It worked!
**Sunday, July 14, 2013- My first time going to church here in Florida. Amazing experience. That sermon was JUST FOR ME!
**Sunday, July 21,2013- I was reading a daily devotional on my phone (free app) and praying a lot! Just having faith in Him!
**Friday, July 26, 2013- I heard God speak to me and tell me to, "Be patient." I praised Him hard and I was SO happy to get a message!!
**Tuesday, July 30, 2013- This was an important day I had been waiting for all month. It came and God did not fail me although I did not have the answers I wanted THAT DAY. He delivered later! I went out that day and bought a daily devotional that my friend had recommended it! (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)
**Wednesday July 31,2013- When I prayed to God on this morning and was talking with Him about wanting a teaching job this year He told me to send emails to Principals and mention my ESL experience. It turns out that all my praying and emailing the Principals worked because an hour later I had a hit for an interview that coming Friday! (That ended up being the job I got!) Later this day at church I had revelation/epiphany about why things were happening the way they were for me. This is when I came to the realization that the reason that bad event happened at the gas station was to get me out of the gas station. God wanted me to have a "bad taste in my mouth" about going back for several reasons! 1. So we could continue our great and growing relationship. Because if I went back to working there again I would surely be working 15 hour Sundays again in no time. 2. Because He already had this teaching job lined up for me. I am sure there are several more reasons I just do not know yet!
**Thursday August 1, 2013- I had another hit on my emails. I set up another interview for Friday morning! I was beyond elated!
**Monday August 5, 2013- I got my job offer at Northwood Elementary in Crestview!! This was the principal that responded to me RIGHT after I felt that God told me to email the principals! As soon as I accepted this job I got a call about the thing I did not get answers to on July 30! This is when He delivered later!!! And boy, did He deliver! He answered all my prayers! I was still worried about one little thing and continued to pray about it!
**Wednesday August 7, 2013- He answered that one little thing I prayed about!! I also signed my teaching contract this day!!!!

Today I had a HUGE revelation into God's plan... and it brought me to tears! As soon as it happened I called my mom to tell her! I had to tell someone and I knew she would share my excitement and enthusiasm and understand me!

This is what I told her in a nutshell:
I told her I realized today that I was meant to get that classroom assistant job at Silver Sands (which I really LOVED) because it made me meet a lady named Nora (and several other AWESOME people). I worked with Nora this summer and at the end of this summer about a week after this bad event happened to me- her husband started working at my old gas station (He kind of took my place.) And Bud LOVES him! When I talked to Bud last night he asked me for my key to the store back! Some of y'all should know how happy this makes me! It finally closed that chapter! I know God wanted me out of there to fulfill my purpose elsewhere. And it makes me feel AMAZING to think I am apart of something bigger! What if I never met Nora or her husband never went to work for Bud? What if I didn't take that bad event as a sign from God? What if I didn't listen to God when He was talking to me? Would I have been patient or would I have given up? Would I have emailed that principal? Would I have gotten this AWESOME 4th grade teaching job?!?! And what purpose do I have for being at this school, in this grade? I am excited to find out!! And I trust that in His time God will reveal it to me! Or maybe he won't but either way I WILL trust Him!

During this wonderful chat with my mom she helped me realize several things... in no particular order!

• It is always easy to take the nicely paved road that has several water stops along the way. But when you take the road less traveled you go uphill, downhill, come across rocks, holes, jutting branches, big trees in the way! But you must trust that God will be there to guide you when you feel you cannot go on, guide you when you don't know what to do or to just guide you because there is a better way. The road less traveled is A LOT harder but it is SOOOOOOO worth it once you get there!
• I am a lot more blessed that I give myself credit for. I, and my mom agrees, am blessed with intuition that a lot of people do not have! I am just really finding out how great it is!
• I am also blessed that God has just laid a clear path for me. When I accepted this job in Crestview (30 minutes in the opposite direction of Dustin's work) (We share a car.) I wasn't worried because I KNEW God would make a way for us and he did! The day I accepted the job him and another guy decided they would be carpooling together! All I have to do is drop Dustin off at his house in the morning! How awesome is that?!
• My mom and I have ALWAYS had someone to take us under their wing, to guide and help us when we needed it the most! I had several people growing up and even now! So blessed and thankful!! 

Praising Him like NO tomorrow!! So grateful, humbled, blessed and impressed!


P.S. If you want to know this even I will share it with you, I have no problem with that. But I did not want to put it on here.

God speaks in His own time!

Yesterday was an amazing day for me! I feel like I heard God speak to me! I know y'all are thinking "Yea right!" But I did, and I know I did. I heard Him to tell me to, "Be patient." I was driving Dustin to work and someone cut me off and I got a little frustrated. All of a sudden I heard the words, "Be Patient" in my head! But I felt there was more to it than that... meaning be patient, I got something great in store for you. Right after that I saw a dragonfly fly right in front of my car. I couldn't help but smile. Those of you who know me, know the significance of dragonflies to me. Right after that I called AND GOT THROUGH  the radio station Highway 98 and qualified for a pontoon rental and a concert in Tampa.I have been trying since last Friday!!! The rest of my day was great!

Let me back up by saying I prayed really hard and longer than normal that morning. Wednesday was a rough day for me. I was sad, upset, frustrated and feeling down all day long. When I woke up yesterday I did not want to feel that way so I prayed long and hard for all my friends and family who are struggling and who weren't, for me and my mood, for my patience to be better, etc. I feel like the Lord delivered when he knew I needed it most. If I wouldn't have been listening I would have missed it! I am soooooo glad I didn't!

Praising God for everything! Thank you Jesus!

Praise Him in the Middle of it!

There is a song called "In the Middle of it" by Isaac Carree that got me through this week! I listened to it at least 20-30 times. I made sure I listened to it first thing in the morning when I was getting ready for work, when I was feeling down, when I felt like things weren't going my way, or when I was just feeling discouraged. This song helped A LOT!! Not only is the message positive but it is upbeat! Bonus: The guy is from North Carolina! :-)

I even branched out and asked some friends, that I know listen to the same kind of music I do, for some recommendations on gospel and christian rock music. I got several names and have listened to a few and really like most of them!! I look forward to continuing finding GREAT music! I feel that it is important for me to surround myself with His word or else it will be easy for me to walk away from it again!

I started reading a Daily Devotional on my phone. I like it because it gives me a short Bible verse and then explains it in a way that I can understand it, with REAL world issues. It gives me a shot of God. I like to read it before I even get out of bed in the morning. It does wonders for my day! I was talking to one of my friends (one of whom I got the great music advice from) and she reads a daily devotional book by a lady named Sarah Young. I will be buying that book on Friday so we can do it together. I like the short, fast one on my phone but I really want to spend time learning the word too. And my friend says this devotional book is really good!! Can't wait!

Some important lessons I've learned this week:

• "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 This has helped me get through the week. I feel this goes along with my Trials and Tribulations post from last week because I KNOW God is working on His relationship with me and that is why I am going through these struggles. I am having these moments of weakness so that I will use God's grace to get through while praising Him to help me strengthen my faith in Him.

• "Teach me your ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth! Grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you." Psalm 86:11 The best way to learn the ways of the Lord is by reading the Bible to see examples from the past and understanding Jesus' words. We also learn through listening to other believers who follow Christ. The final way we learn is when we honestly seek God. He will reveal His will through our thoughts and convictions. While we learn His way we will still struggle but it will help to pray: "Lord, please grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you."

• "And don't sin by letting anger control you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil." Ephesians 4:26-27 Ohhhh, this one is a HUGE one for me!! It is SO easy for anger to get the best of us!! And how many of us go to bed mad? Or leave mad? It is okay to walk away from a situation when you are upset, but only for a short time- to cool off. You must go back and give forgiveness or else you are allowing the devil to dwell inside you. Anger can deteriorate your relationships... anger turns into resentment and irritability which will kill any relationship. God provides peace, grace and forgiveness. 

I have been enjoying talking with my friends and family about their faith and their journeys. I have enjoyed all their input and the help they've given me with my journey (that is still going on). I look forward to where I can go and what I can do with God by my side.

P.S. Still no word on teaching jobs. I have applied to several more in the last week, emailed principals AND dropped off resumes. No Luck. Please say a prayer for me to get a GREAT teaching job where I will be the MOST useful!

Trials and Tribulations

Things haven't been easy for me lately. I am not whining or trying to throw a pity party. I am simply using this as the foundation to this post, in hopes that it may give someone who is questioning WHY, some help.

Sitting down and praying to God has been hit or miss with my lately. I have been WANTING to pray daily but never get around to it or have some excuse. I find myself praying only when I need or want something. Is that fair? No, and what kind of relationship is that? Would you want to be in a relationship in which you give more than you take? While reflecting one night I prayed and asked God to help me have a better relationship with Him, to please make me WANT to know AND need him daily. I did not know what I was asking. Matter of fact, I still don't! I had no idea of the trials and tribulations God would put on me, nor do I know the ones that are in store for me! But I have learned that that with God by my side I will be okay! I just need to keep my faith!

I haven't been to church in a long time, not since I moved to Florida. I have officially lived in Florida for 2 years. As soon as we moved here I found a job working at a gas station in which I worked 15 hours every Sunday (7am-10pm). Working those kinds of hours I could not attend church. I told myself and God that if I was able to leave the gas station (financially) then I would find a church and work on my relationship with God. God allowed this, as my last day at the gas station was June 9. Since then 4 Sundays have passed. Today was number 5 and I finally honored my promise and made it to church! In the last few weeks leading up to today several things have been great! Other things as far as my career have been "the road less traveled," in other words, rough. I was struggling and praying to God to help me fix these things. It wasn't until this Friday, July 12, that I realized what I was going through! I was going through Trials and Tribulations! On this day something terrible happened to me while I was working at the gas station (I was doing the owner a favor just for 2 days so he could attend his religious festival.) I am not ready to talk about what this "bad" is yet but I will share at a later time! I promise. I goggled, because Google has the answer for everything, Trials and Tribulations and what I found impacted me tremendously!

Trials and Tribulations are put on God's children to test us to stay loyal to God and to trust that he will get us through our conflict. God gives us these conflicts to help build our relationship with Him, to help increase your faith and trust in Him, that you will ask, Lord please help me get through this. He wants you to turn to Him in your time of dire need. This is a time where it can make or break your faith! This morning I went to a church my friend attends. She was not able to come today so I went alone, probably better anyway since I was a blubbering mess. But can you guess what this mornings message was??? It was Prophet Endurance..... in another words Prophets trials and tribulations. Think that is a coincidence?? I am not so sure.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Think about all of the Prophets in the Bible....Jeremiah, Daniel, Job, Jonah, Hosea, Zechariah, John the Baptist, Peter, Paul, James and even Jesus. Now think of their stories, think of their trials and tribulations and all the conflicts they went through. Daniel was a slave. Could we remain faithful dealing with what Daniel went through? Hosea married the prostitute Gomer and continued to forgive her. Could we have that kind of forgiveness for our spouse? Jonah disobeyed God and refused to go to Nineveh and got on a ship to sail in the opposite direction. He ended up jumping ship and was swallowed by a great fish. In this whale's belly where he sat for 3 days and 3 nights he repented and cried out for God. How many times have you ignored the word of God... or simply not heard it!? During these trials, during these tribulations we need to be patient and have trust, faith, praise and prayer with God. He is teaching us the endurance we will need later in life.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12

One last tidbit of information... One should not confuse trials and tribulations with consequences to your bad actions. There is a fine line.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

The topic of the day is broken promises.

Well, where to begin? Seems my days are full of broken promises anymore. I don't know who or what to believe anymore. Life seems to be slowly falling apart. The one upside to all of this is my job. I finally got a teacher assistant position at a school I love with some SUPER amazing kids and staff. When I am at school I feel happy and free of burden. This may not make sense to you. While my job is physically demanding nothing in my life at this point gives me more joy than being at work. I feel let down in these other aspects of my life and part of me feels like it is my own fault. Do I put too much pressure on the people in my life? Am I forcing them to live up to my standards that are too high for them to reach? Are those goals unattainable?? I don't know. But it seems to me, that I am the ONLY common denominator.....

So, my husband and I moved to Florida last year to "better" ourselves. It has worked... kinda but it has been super hard. We have no family here, only a few friends/a family. So when we get into a bind, we struggle. When we want to be close to family we have to plan a month or so ahead of time. We decided that is all stuff we were okay with when we moved here. And I still feel the same way, HOWEVER, it is so hard when you do not have family and friends to fall back on in your time of need. It is enough to make you feel alone. My best friend is out of the state while her house is being built and we promised to keep in touch and skype with her and the kids we have only talked a handful of times and skyped once. I know she is busy, far busier than I am, it still sucks. It is horrible that you find stuff out on Facebook and that I cannot just drive to her house to hang out with her and the kids anytime. It is hard going from talking everyday to a few times a month, from living 5 minutes from each other to 5 states apart. My mom and sister are unreliable when it comes to communication. I know my mom comes by it honestly... hell she barely calls HER mom. My sister, on the other hand, I am not really sure what her excuse is. I have tried being nice, being mean, texting, calling and get shot down every time. At some point I have to give up, I have already. I know she is busy in her life but we use to be close and I would like to keep that relationship.....but if she felt the same way we would have it. I have done all that I can do.

I feel that everyone I know is moving ahead in their lives and here I am sitting at a standstill. I hate when people say they are going to do something and promise to do it and then DON'T DO IT! Vice-Versa.... if someone promises me that they wont do something  over and over again but then DO IT over again and again.... At what point do you kick those people out of your life? 

12 days till school starts, SEVERAL jobs applied for, no phone calls

I have been waiting patiently for a phone call for at least an interview!! I have applied to several jobs in Okaloosa and Santa Rosa Counties and have not received one phone call! When I say several... its been at least 30. I do have a great substitute position lined up from the first day of school till the end of October and I am super excited about that. It is in a great class, with amazing kids and an awesome teacher! I am looking forward to that but I would like something more permanent and better paying. I don't think that is too much to ask!
I am setting myself a timeline... because I am almost 30 and by the end of this timeline I will have been looking for a teaching job for one whole year. If I have not found a permanent teaching job (or teacher assistant) by December/January then I will just look for a regular job. I need to be realistic... Teaching is a 30 year commitment so I need to start ASAP. I want to have kids, need insurance and would like to quit my 2nd job (the gas station). I am tired of working 15 hours on Sundays (so I can go to church) and having a boss pressuring my to constantly work more hours. I am not ready to give up just yet. But for the next 4-5 months I will be giving this problem to God. If He feels this is where He needs me then He will make it happen. If not, then He will open something else up for me. I am ready for whatever He has in store for me- and I will embrace it with OPEN arms.
I went to visit my Grandma in Wisconsin last month. I got to spend a week with her. It was so hard seeing her in pain. She had some good days and some bad days while I was up there. That was hard. The constant roller coaster of emotions. It broke my heart because at the end of every visit she would hug me and say, "I love you so much, and don't you ever forget it!" And on the last day we were there she said the same thing and broke down crying saying, "Never be afraid to say I love you, Kelani." Ugh, breaks my heart just thinking about it. I am glad we got to see her and spend time with her but I know she know it will be the last time we see her. :-( She is no longer eating solid food or pureed food. She is only drinking soups and juices. She seems to be hanging in there for now.