And there's your sign....

This story takes place on Saturday, August 31, 2013. I woke up, took Dustin to his friends house to carpool to work. I came home and showered. While I was in the shower I was thinking... I ALWAYS do my best thinking in the shower. Sometimes I pray there too. Well I was doing a combination of the two, thinking and praying, and I came to think about a promise I made to God. I promised that if I got a teaching job this year that I would donate $100 to St. Jude Children's Hospital with my first "teacher" paycheck! Well I wasn't expecting my first check till end of September but I received one at the end of August. (That Friday before.) When I thought about this promise I thought of what I would have to do to honor it. We don't have a working bank account right now so we don't have checks and I know St. Jude Children's Hospital does not take cash. The only other option I could think of was a money order. I told myself I would look it up later on the internet and decide what way I would do it to ensure I would honor my promise!

A little while later...
So, I leave the house, go pay rent and then come home for a few minutes to pass time till I met my friend Wavie for lunch. In the 30 minutes I was home the craziest things happened to me!! First, when I went pee (TMI, sorry) and flushed the toilet, the toilet started making some weird noises. When I turned around I see that the toilet is overflowing. I jump back and flip the rug out of the way then grab the plunger and start plunging. Water continues to pour out onto the floor then all of a sudden I hear this horrible gurgling noise and BOOM all the water is sucked back down and the toilet goes back to normal. We have lived in the apartment for 2 years now and have NEVER EVER had ANY issues with the toilet or plumbing at all! I pick up the rug to take it outside to dry because the corner is a little wet. As I open the door I see a BRIGHT flash of lightning that felt like it was right in front of me and immediately after that I hear a HUGE CRASH of thunder! It scared the crap out of me! The CRAZIEST part of all this.... it was SUNNY outside! There was literally no clouds in the sky AT ALL!! As I take the rug back into the bathroom to hang it on the tub I look at the towels mopping up the water on the floor and start to think maybe God is trying to tell me something. I think to myself, "Maybe God is trying to tell me to stay home." Maybe God is trying to keep me home so I don't have an accident or something." After contemplating a few moments about whether to call and cancel or not, I decide to go. I didn't have any bad feelings so I felt I was doing the right thing.

I got to Chili's first and while I am waiting for Wavie I notice something on the wall for a wristband that is $4.00 donated to St. Jude Children's Hospital. I thought to myself, "Hmmmm. I will ask about that." Well when Wavie gets there and we get seated the first thing the waitress tells us about the "Create a Pepper" fundraiser. You all have seen it, I am sure. You color the pepper any way you like and then you can donate some money! Well I already knew this was God's way of saying, "Ok, Kelani I gave you these two weird and crazy signs to get your attention.... HERE IS YOUR SIGN!!" Sometimes I can be a little slow on the uptake.... I proudly colored my pepper (looked horrible- but I tried, LOL) and wrote $100 in the donation box. Wavie was shocked, I told her my story and she said that is a testimony right there. When the waitress came to give us our bill she asked about our peppers. Wavie told her about hers and then said, "You have to hear her testimony (pointing at me) behind her donation!" When I hand her mine and she see the $100 bill she takes a step back and gets teary eyed and says, "Tell me your story." I told her EVERYTHING above that you have just read. She is holding back tears and says, " I have to tell you that this means a lot to me because St. Jude is close to my heart." She said her son was born with an extra chromosome (not down syndrome but something else) and her husband is in the military and is deployed often. She said that St. Jude has put her in a house during times when her son needed medical care. She said she knows families who have lost their children and St. Jude pays off their medical bills. She said she knew she was blessed because her son would live a long life with few limitations compared to other families who weren't so lucky. Her story touched me.

As we were leaving a manager and 2 other employees came up and thanked me for my donation. I guess she had went back and told coworkers my story. I know she was having a hard time containing herself while talking to me. It really touched my heart.

(Had I decided not to follow God's signs I would never have heard her story.)

I didn't do the donation for anyone other than God. I wanted to honor my promise to Him. I wanted to show Him that I will follow Him and try to LISTEN as best as possible. It is hard for me sometimes because... well I cant put into words why.... Other than it is hard trusting someone other than yourself. Especially a Higher power...

I wanted to share this story because it touched me in so many ways.
1. I was proud to honor my promise to God. Proud that I trusted Him and LISTENED to Him.
2. I wanted to share that I feel BLESSED because God did communicate with me and I was OPEN to it. Before I would have ignored it all.
3. It really touched my heart to hear her story.

"Something BIG done happened to me and I gotta tell the world about it!" Mary Mary

First, let me start by saying that if you haven't read my last post (or last few), maybe you should! It will give you some background information!

Over the last two weeks I have been having revelations about situations I am going through. I am positive it is God letting me know WHY I had to go through those situations! I understand that several people do not get those answers a lot of the time and for that, I feel blessed! He has pretty much validated to me why I went through all these bad things/obstacles! I am excited to share all this with you! So bare with me, it may be LONG!

Less than a month ago something terrible happened to me while I was working at the gas station. I mentioned this in my July 14 post-Trials and Tribulations. This thing had the power to affect my whole life! It could've affected my career in a negative way which is my means, my dream and it made me feel HORRIBLE. I am still not ready to go too much into it. (I know I promised I would but I am not sure I should.) Anyway, when this happened I felt horrible and my whole live became one big question mark. I had to realize what was wrong in my life and I am a big believer in Karma. You get what you deserve! I was trying to find out what it was I did wrong. I realized I had been telling God for a year that if He allowed me to not work on Sundays then I would go to church. Well I hadn't worked a Sunday for a month and never once went. Hindsight 20/20... he was making a path for me. He knew that the only way I would finally leave that gas station was to have something bad happen to me there to give me a "bad taste in my mouth" about it. He knows how stubborn I am. He wasn't punishing me, he was HELPING me!

Let me give you a timeline of my path:
**Friday, July 12, 2013- This is the day the bad event happened and I felt horrible. On that day I realized this was a trial and tribulation that God was giving me to guide me to where He wants me! I had been praying for God to help build our relationship and He gave me Trials and Tribulations so I would trust Him! It worked!
**Sunday, July 14, 2013- My first time going to church here in Florida. Amazing experience. That sermon was JUST FOR ME!
**Sunday, July 21,2013- I was reading a daily devotional on my phone (free app) and praying a lot! Just having faith in Him!
**Friday, July 26, 2013- I heard God speak to me and tell me to, "Be patient." I praised Him hard and I was SO happy to get a message!!
**Tuesday, July 30, 2013- This was an important day I had been waiting for all month. It came and God did not fail me although I did not have the answers I wanted THAT DAY. He delivered later! I went out that day and bought a daily devotional that my friend had recommended it! (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)
**Wednesday July 31,2013- When I prayed to God on this morning and was talking with Him about wanting a teaching job this year He told me to send emails to Principals and mention my ESL experience. It turns out that all my praying and emailing the Principals worked because an hour later I had a hit for an interview that coming Friday! (That ended up being the job I got!) Later this day at church I had revelation/epiphany about why things were happening the way they were for me. This is when I came to the realization that the reason that bad event happened at the gas station was to get me out of the gas station. God wanted me to have a "bad taste in my mouth" about going back for several reasons! 1. So we could continue our great and growing relationship. Because if I went back to working there again I would surely be working 15 hour Sundays again in no time. 2. Because He already had this teaching job lined up for me. I am sure there are several more reasons I just do not know yet!
**Thursday August 1, 2013- I had another hit on my emails. I set up another interview for Friday morning! I was beyond elated!
**Monday August 5, 2013- I got my job offer at Northwood Elementary in Crestview!! This was the principal that responded to me RIGHT after I felt that God told me to email the principals! As soon as I accepted this job I got a call about the thing I did not get answers to on July 30! This is when He delivered later!!! And boy, did He deliver! He answered all my prayers! I was still worried about one little thing and continued to pray about it!
**Wednesday August 7, 2013- He answered that one little thing I prayed about!! I also signed my teaching contract this day!!!!

Today I had a HUGE revelation into God's plan... and it brought me to tears! As soon as it happened I called my mom to tell her! I had to tell someone and I knew she would share my excitement and enthusiasm and understand me!

This is what I told her in a nutshell:
I told her I realized today that I was meant to get that classroom assistant job at Silver Sands (which I really LOVED) because it made me meet a lady named Nora (and several other AWESOME people). I worked with Nora this summer and at the end of this summer about a week after this bad event happened to me- her husband started working at my old gas station (He kind of took my place.) And Bud LOVES him! When I talked to Bud last night he asked me for my key to the store back! Some of y'all should know how happy this makes me! It finally closed that chapter! I know God wanted me out of there to fulfill my purpose elsewhere. And it makes me feel AMAZING to think I am apart of something bigger! What if I never met Nora or her husband never went to work for Bud? What if I didn't take that bad event as a sign from God? What if I didn't listen to God when He was talking to me? Would I have been patient or would I have given up? Would I have emailed that principal? Would I have gotten this AWESOME 4th grade teaching job?!?! And what purpose do I have for being at this school, in this grade? I am excited to find out!! And I trust that in His time God will reveal it to me! Or maybe he won't but either way I WILL trust Him!

During this wonderful chat with my mom she helped me realize several things... in no particular order!

• It is always easy to take the nicely paved road that has several water stops along the way. But when you take the road less traveled you go uphill, downhill, come across rocks, holes, jutting branches, big trees in the way! But you must trust that God will be there to guide you when you feel you cannot go on, guide you when you don't know what to do or to just guide you because there is a better way. The road less traveled is A LOT harder but it is SOOOOOOO worth it once you get there!
• I am a lot more blessed that I give myself credit for. I, and my mom agrees, am blessed with intuition that a lot of people do not have! I am just really finding out how great it is!
• I am also blessed that God has just laid a clear path for me. When I accepted this job in Crestview (30 minutes in the opposite direction of Dustin's work) (We share a car.) I wasn't worried because I KNEW God would make a way for us and he did! The day I accepted the job him and another guy decided they would be carpooling together! All I have to do is drop Dustin off at his house in the morning! How awesome is that?!
• My mom and I have ALWAYS had someone to take us under their wing, to guide and help us when we needed it the most! I had several people growing up and even now! So blessed and thankful!! 

Praising Him like NO tomorrow!! So grateful, humbled, blessed and impressed!


P.S. If you want to know this even I will share it with you, I have no problem with that. But I did not want to put it on here.

God speaks in His own time!

Yesterday was an amazing day for me! I feel like I heard God speak to me! I know y'all are thinking "Yea right!" But I did, and I know I did. I heard Him to tell me to, "Be patient." I was driving Dustin to work and someone cut me off and I got a little frustrated. All of a sudden I heard the words, "Be Patient" in my head! But I felt there was more to it than that... meaning be patient, I got something great in store for you. Right after that I saw a dragonfly fly right in front of my car. I couldn't help but smile. Those of you who know me, know the significance of dragonflies to me. Right after that I called AND GOT THROUGH  the radio station Highway 98 and qualified for a pontoon rental and a concert in Tampa.I have been trying since last Friday!!! The rest of my day was great!

Let me back up by saying I prayed really hard and longer than normal that morning. Wednesday was a rough day for me. I was sad, upset, frustrated and feeling down all day long. When I woke up yesterday I did not want to feel that way so I prayed long and hard for all my friends and family who are struggling and who weren't, for me and my mood, for my patience to be better, etc. I feel like the Lord delivered when he knew I needed it most. If I wouldn't have been listening I would have missed it! I am soooooo glad I didn't!

Praising God for everything! Thank you Jesus!

Praise Him in the Middle of it!

There is a song called "In the Middle of it" by Isaac Carree that got me through this week! I listened to it at least 20-30 times. I made sure I listened to it first thing in the morning when I was getting ready for work, when I was feeling down, when I felt like things weren't going my way, or when I was just feeling discouraged. This song helped A LOT!! Not only is the message positive but it is upbeat! Bonus: The guy is from North Carolina! :-)

I even branched out and asked some friends, that I know listen to the same kind of music I do, for some recommendations on gospel and christian rock music. I got several names and have listened to a few and really like most of them!! I look forward to continuing finding GREAT music! I feel that it is important for me to surround myself with His word or else it will be easy for me to walk away from it again!

I started reading a Daily Devotional on my phone. I like it because it gives me a short Bible verse and then explains it in a way that I can understand it, with REAL world issues. It gives me a shot of God. I like to read it before I even get out of bed in the morning. It does wonders for my day! I was talking to one of my friends (one of whom I got the great music advice from) and she reads a daily devotional book by a lady named Sarah Young. I will be buying that book on Friday so we can do it together. I like the short, fast one on my phone but I really want to spend time learning the word too. And my friend says this devotional book is really good!! Can't wait!

Some important lessons I've learned this week:

• "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 This has helped me get through the week. I feel this goes along with my Trials and Tribulations post from last week because I KNOW God is working on His relationship with me and that is why I am going through these struggles. I am having these moments of weakness so that I will use God's grace to get through while praising Him to help me strengthen my faith in Him.

• "Teach me your ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth! Grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you." Psalm 86:11 The best way to learn the ways of the Lord is by reading the Bible to see examples from the past and understanding Jesus' words. We also learn through listening to other believers who follow Christ. The final way we learn is when we honestly seek God. He will reveal His will through our thoughts and convictions. While we learn His way we will still struggle but it will help to pray: "Lord, please grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you."

• "And don't sin by letting anger control you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil." Ephesians 4:26-27 Ohhhh, this one is a HUGE one for me!! It is SO easy for anger to get the best of us!! And how many of us go to bed mad? Or leave mad? It is okay to walk away from a situation when you are upset, but only for a short time- to cool off. You must go back and give forgiveness or else you are allowing the devil to dwell inside you. Anger can deteriorate your relationships... anger turns into resentment and irritability which will kill any relationship. God provides peace, grace and forgiveness. 

I have been enjoying talking with my friends and family about their faith and their journeys. I have enjoyed all their input and the help they've given me with my journey (that is still going on). I look forward to where I can go and what I can do with God by my side.

P.S. Still no word on teaching jobs. I have applied to several more in the last week, emailed principals AND dropped off resumes. No Luck. Please say a prayer for me to get a GREAT teaching job where I will be the MOST useful!

Trials and Tribulations

Things haven't been easy for me lately. I am not whining or trying to throw a pity party. I am simply using this as the foundation to this post, in hopes that it may give someone who is questioning WHY, some help.

Sitting down and praying to God has been hit or miss with my lately. I have been WANTING to pray daily but never get around to it or have some excuse. I find myself praying only when I need or want something. Is that fair? No, and what kind of relationship is that? Would you want to be in a relationship in which you give more than you take? While reflecting one night I prayed and asked God to help me have a better relationship with Him, to please make me WANT to know AND need him daily. I did not know what I was asking. Matter of fact, I still don't! I had no idea of the trials and tribulations God would put on me, nor do I know the ones that are in store for me! But I have learned that that with God by my side I will be okay! I just need to keep my faith!

I haven't been to church in a long time, not since I moved to Florida. I have officially lived in Florida for 2 years. As soon as we moved here I found a job working at a gas station in which I worked 15 hours every Sunday (7am-10pm). Working those kinds of hours I could not attend church. I told myself and God that if I was able to leave the gas station (financially) then I would find a church and work on my relationship with God. God allowed this, as my last day at the gas station was June 9. Since then 4 Sundays have passed. Today was number 5 and I finally honored my promise and made it to church! In the last few weeks leading up to today several things have been great! Other things as far as my career have been "the road less traveled," in other words, rough. I was struggling and praying to God to help me fix these things. It wasn't until this Friday, July 12, that I realized what I was going through! I was going through Trials and Tribulations! On this day something terrible happened to me while I was working at the gas station (I was doing the owner a favor just for 2 days so he could attend his religious festival.) I am not ready to talk about what this "bad" is yet but I will share at a later time! I promise. I goggled, because Google has the answer for everything, Trials and Tribulations and what I found impacted me tremendously!

Trials and Tribulations are put on God's children to test us to stay loyal to God and to trust that he will get us through our conflict. God gives us these conflicts to help build our relationship with Him, to help increase your faith and trust in Him, that you will ask, Lord please help me get through this. He wants you to turn to Him in your time of dire need. This is a time where it can make or break your faith! This morning I went to a church my friend attends. She was not able to come today so I went alone, probably better anyway since I was a blubbering mess. But can you guess what this mornings message was??? It was Prophet Endurance..... in another words Prophets trials and tribulations. Think that is a coincidence?? I am not so sure.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Think about all of the Prophets in the Bible....Jeremiah, Daniel, Job, Jonah, Hosea, Zechariah, John the Baptist, Peter, Paul, James and even Jesus. Now think of their stories, think of their trials and tribulations and all the conflicts they went through. Daniel was a slave. Could we remain faithful dealing with what Daniel went through? Hosea married the prostitute Gomer and continued to forgive her. Could we have that kind of forgiveness for our spouse? Jonah disobeyed God and refused to go to Nineveh and got on a ship to sail in the opposite direction. He ended up jumping ship and was swallowed by a great fish. In this whale's belly where he sat for 3 days and 3 nights he repented and cried out for God. How many times have you ignored the word of God... or simply not heard it!? During these trials, during these tribulations we need to be patient and have trust, faith, praise and prayer with God. He is teaching us the endurance we will need later in life.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12

One last tidbit of information... One should not confuse trials and tribulations with consequences to your bad actions. There is a fine line.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

The topic of the day is broken promises.

Well, where to begin? Seems my days are full of broken promises anymore. I don't know who or what to believe anymore. Life seems to be slowly falling apart. The one upside to all of this is my job. I finally got a teacher assistant position at a school I love with some SUPER amazing kids and staff. When I am at school I feel happy and free of burden. This may not make sense to you. While my job is physically demanding nothing in my life at this point gives me more joy than being at work. I feel let down in these other aspects of my life and part of me feels like it is my own fault. Do I put too much pressure on the people in my life? Am I forcing them to live up to my standards that are too high for them to reach? Are those goals unattainable?? I don't know. But it seems to me, that I am the ONLY common denominator.....

So, my husband and I moved to Florida last year to "better" ourselves. It has worked... kinda but it has been super hard. We have no family here, only a few friends/a family. So when we get into a bind, we struggle. When we want to be close to family we have to plan a month or so ahead of time. We decided that is all stuff we were okay with when we moved here. And I still feel the same way, HOWEVER, it is so hard when you do not have family and friends to fall back on in your time of need. It is enough to make you feel alone. My best friend is out of the state while her house is being built and we promised to keep in touch and skype with her and the kids we have only talked a handful of times and skyped once. I know she is busy, far busier than I am, it still sucks. It is horrible that you find stuff out on Facebook and that I cannot just drive to her house to hang out with her and the kids anytime. It is hard going from talking everyday to a few times a month, from living 5 minutes from each other to 5 states apart. My mom and sister are unreliable when it comes to communication. I know my mom comes by it honestly... hell she barely calls HER mom. My sister, on the other hand, I am not really sure what her excuse is. I have tried being nice, being mean, texting, calling and get shot down every time. At some point I have to give up, I have already. I know she is busy in her life but we use to be close and I would like to keep that relationship.....but if she felt the same way we would have it. I have done all that I can do.

I feel that everyone I know is moving ahead in their lives and here I am sitting at a standstill. I hate when people say they are going to do something and promise to do it and then DON'T DO IT! Vice-Versa.... if someone promises me that they wont do something  over and over again but then DO IT over again and again.... At what point do you kick those people out of your life? 

12 days till school starts, SEVERAL jobs applied for, no phone calls

I have been waiting patiently for a phone call for at least an interview!! I have applied to several jobs in Okaloosa and Santa Rosa Counties and have not received one phone call! When I say several... its been at least 30. I do have a great substitute position lined up from the first day of school till the end of October and I am super excited about that. It is in a great class, with amazing kids and an awesome teacher! I am looking forward to that but I would like something more permanent and better paying. I don't think that is too much to ask!
I am setting myself a timeline... because I am almost 30 and by the end of this timeline I will have been looking for a teaching job for one whole year. If I have not found a permanent teaching job (or teacher assistant) by December/January then I will just look for a regular job. I need to be realistic... Teaching is a 30 year commitment so I need to start ASAP. I want to have kids, need insurance and would like to quit my 2nd job (the gas station). I am tired of working 15 hours on Sundays (so I can go to church) and having a boss pressuring my to constantly work more hours. I am not ready to give up just yet. But for the next 4-5 months I will be giving this problem to God. If He feels this is where He needs me then He will make it happen. If not, then He will open something else up for me. I am ready for whatever He has in store for me- and I will embrace it with OPEN arms.
I went to visit my Grandma in Wisconsin last month. I got to spend a week with her. It was so hard seeing her in pain. She had some good days and some bad days while I was up there. That was hard. The constant roller coaster of emotions. It broke my heart because at the end of every visit she would hug me and say, "I love you so much, and don't you ever forget it!" And on the last day we were there she said the same thing and broke down crying saying, "Never be afraid to say I love you, Kelani." Ugh, breaks my heart just thinking about it. I am glad we got to see her and spend time with her but I know she know it will be the last time we see her. :-( She is no longer eating solid food or pureed food. She is only drinking soups and juices. She seems to be hanging in there for now.

"Learn to appreciate what you have, before time makes you appreciate what you had."

I received some REALLY sad/bad news last night. Then I heard it straight from the source tonight.

There are several harsh realities in life... things far more important than difficult times, disappointments, failures, etc. What I am talking about is sicknesses- such as cancer. Cancer is not something you choose but rather something that chooses you. The dreadful thing about this sickness is that there is no cure and new forms of cancer are found daily.

Over the last few years I have seen and heard of people who have cancer, people who have beat cancer and people who have lost their battle. It is sad. Both of my grandfathers have died from different forms of cancer. It is heartbreaking the amount of people and their families fighting this illness. Everyone knows someone or of someone touched by the big "C".

The point of this post it to let people know that life is short. As you know, once you are out of school and in the working world TIME FLIES. Make the best of it. Tell your loved ones that you love them and let them know how important they really are. Treat your family members with love and respect- just because they are here today does not necessarily mean they will be here tomorrow.

I know this sounds cliche but I had to let out what I have been feeling. Do not put off phone calls or cards.... pick up the phone and take those 10-20 minutes out of your busy day to let someone know you were thinking of them. Use the $ .32 or $ .42 stamps (however much they are now) to send a card or letter just to let someone know you were thinking of them. After all, it is the small gestures that REALLY mean the most. It is those small gestures that people will remember.

Regrets. I know you don't want a loved one to pass on without you telling them how you feel. So take the time NOW to do the things you want to do but are too busy to do.... or THINK you are too busy to do. Otherwise, you will be wasting a lot more time than it would have taken with regrets. (Trust me, I know a lot about regrets and you do NOT want to be stuck with  "what if's"!)

“Sun is shining. Weather is sweet. Make you wanna move your dancing feet.” Bob Marley

I have had some interesting developments since I last posted!

First, I joined a local gym! I have lost 9 lbs and I plan to lose A LOT more. I officially started May 14, 2012 so Monday will be 3 weeks. I am happy with the results so far and am no longer as tired as I once was! I plan to lose about 40 pounds by the end of summer- that is about 14 weeks. I think it is reasonable and challenging at the same time!
I have set some small goals to keep me going:
-When I lose 10 pounds I am going to get a manicure and pedicure, maybe get my eyebrows done too!
-When I lose 20 pounds I am going to get my hair done! I need it and it will help me feel pretty! So why not!
-When I lose 30 pounds I am going to buy me a few summer dresses!

When I accomplish those goals I will pick new ones and keep going from there! I am excited for this new beginning. I am also using an app on my phone it's by www.myfitnesspal.com. This is an amazing app. I put in my food intake and it calculates how many calories I take in. When I exercise it subtracts calories. It allows me to add how much water I drink, etc. It keeps up with the weight I have lost too! I can also add friends who are partaking in this journey with me. It makes it fun! Check out the website and add me, my name is kkarnes19. :-D

I was told in the beginning of May that I wasn't going to be needed for summer school but last week they told me that they had a position for me! I gladly accepted. It is only 3 days a week from 8-12 but it is a start. I must have some friends in "high places" praying for me. I know I do! I am so excited. Keep em coming! I would love a teaching job starting in August! I have big ideas for my own classroom! :-) I know God has a plan and I intend on following it!

That is about it for now! I will post more as things happen! I plan on spending as much time at the beach as possible!! I want to get tan!! :-)

Here is an article that motivated me! This is an amazing man! http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/man-loses-370-pounds-old-fashioned-way-reclaims-100129123--abc-news-health.html

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.”

"Motivation is what gets you started. Habit it what keeps you going." Jim Rohn 


This is going to be my motto for the next few months! Tomorrow I am going to sign up with a gym where I can get this weight off once and for all. I plan on also training to run my first 5k. I am aiming to run my first one by the end July/ beginning of August. I think that is a fair time limit. I want to lose weight but I mainly want to focus on being healthy and I know the rest will follow.


I will keep you posted. When I sign up for the gym I will be taking before pictures!


Also... little side note. I tried on some super cute dresses and bathing suits today and I wonder, "Where the heck do big people shop?" And "are they not worried about looking pregnant?" Anyway- more motivation.

Well, well, well.... a little fed up.

OK. So I guess I have finally come to my breaking point. I am fed up with being fat. If you saw me in high school compared to now you'd think, "DAMN, what the hell happened?" I have amazing friends and family (most) who have not said anything about my weight. People that have loved me no matter what. Thank you! However, today as I looked in the mirror I really did not recognize myself. I thought.... how could you let yourself go the way you did. And in response I have several excuses, many reasons but none that are acceptable. When I say I am fed up, I mean it.

I have requested for a 7 day trial at a gym to hold me over until after Dustin's parents trip down here. (We want to save money for when they are down here!) But when they leave I WILL get a membership. I need/want it!

I want to have babies but cannot at this weight. I want to have a new wardrobe and not be hot all day, every day. I want to feel confident. I want to be comfortable in a bathing suit ESPECIALLY because I live in FLORIDA for crying out loud!

On this note... I am getting started. I have started eating healthy the last week or so but it is time to buckle down. I am going to post a pic next time of me that day and share my updates and goals with you. As if you care. No one reads this anyway! LOL I have 2 "followers" and no comments on any post! So I KNOW no one really reads this. At least it will be a motivator/daily reminder for me.

Chances are so hard to come by and the second one is impossible to find.

The lesson of the day for today is: It is better to regret something you have done than regret something you haven't.

Think about it! If you have done something and regret it then there is nothing you can do now... nothing to change the way things played out, no way to change the outcome. HOWEVER, if you did NOT do something you are ALWAYS wondering, "What if?" In my opinion that is the worst thing you can think about. All the different scenarios running through your head, all the possible outcomes. It can drive a person mad.

Why, you ask, am I thinking about this? Well I had an interview today at an AMAZING place. All I had to do was do a 5 minute presentation on recruiting for the college and it had to be creative! Well I did a power point on lots of information about the college but it had no pizazz! Nothing I had stood out. I had 2 days to work on it and I stayed up late working on it and got up early to work on it but it lacked the main component they were looking for.... CREATIVENESS. I didn't want to embarrass myself and was worried about wasting their time. So, I did not go. As soon as I hung up the phone from cancelling the interview I felt relieved but filled with regret too. :-(

I started thinking several questions:
What if I was being too critical of my own work? Usually we are our own worst critics? Aren't we?
What if I went to the interview and they liked my stuff? What if I got the job?
What if I burned a bridge God was laying out for me?

I walked around the rest of the day feeling horrible. As most of you know, regret is not a good feeling. I realized there is nothing more I can do with this situation.... I should not dwell on it anymore than I already have. I decided that I learned an important lesson thorough this debacle so I should move on.

But what if.....??

Bloom where God plants you!

As I was fed up from working the usual 15 hour shift this weekend I said a mini-prayer, "Please God, if I am not meant to be in the school systems please let me know. Let something else become available! I do not know what you want me to do but please put it in front of me!" I have been so determined on getting a teaching job and into a classroom that I haven't stopped to think what God wants for me or where I am SUPPOSE to be! It is kinda funny that I was trying to lead my own life... I had to step back and regroup.

That was Sunday. Monday I got 2 phone calls for interviews! Tell me that is not a coincidence! I had an interview today at an Elementary school BUT it is only for a part-time position for after school care from 3 pm-6pm, HOWEVER, it will get my foot in the door! The interview went AMAZING! The lady, Mae, I interviewed with was spectacular!! She told me to call her back after my interview with the YMCA tomorrow!

 This brings me to tomorrow- I have an interview with the YMCA. It is full-time, benefits, and decent pay AND it would work with BOTH my Public Relations degree and with children (which I love). Feels like this would be the right job to go with everything I have worked for to this point!

If you know me then you know I believe in signs. I believe everything happens for a reason! While I was interviewing with Mae today, I was praying for a sign... Something to PROVE to me this was the right path! Well when I went out to my car, it wouldn't start! I called Dustin and he came up there put some gas in my car because I was low on fuel and parked on a hill. We thought maybe that would fix the issue. NOPE! Then we tried jumping the car... NOPE. (Mae came out to help suggest stuff,) BTW- How embarrassing is it to break down right in front of where you have an interview?!!! Tried pushing it and double clutching it to get it to start, NOPE! Called a friend because her husband is a mechanic- he said the problem may be a starter. We call pep boys they say same thing and give us the price of $350 plus $49.99 for a tow! We start calling other place to see if it could be done cheaper! Eventually called the 1-800-PepBoys number  to get towed and it was busy. Then called another tow place and they said it would be 2 hours before they could come. SIGH. About this time Mae and another lady walk up (can't remember her name), we tell them everything we have tried. The woman says, "Pop your hood, lemme see what I can do. I am a jack of all trades!" I popped it. She sees that the battery terminal is corroded which I had just cleaned off a little bit. She asked Dustin if he had some pliers to clean off the rest of it. He did and when he touched the battery terminal he saw it was loose! He tightened it and LOW AND BEHOLD the car started!!!

Now you tell me, is that a sign? Or just bad luck?

So here I am... I have the YMCA interview tomorrow. I am going to see how it goes and go from there. I want to make the right decisions but I never know what the right decisions are at the time. So what if I get offered both of them? Then what?? Either way I don't feel like I can go wrong! I have been praying about it non-stop!

All in all, lesson of the day was.... I need to be the passenger and God needs to be the driver!

What the teacher is, is more important than what (s)he teaches. ~Karl Menninger

In the last 2 weeks I have had a substitute job everyday! I have been to a few different Elementary schools, and a school for kids with special needs. Those students are from the ages of 4-23! When these students get their certificate they go to Pyramid! For just about 2 weeks I worked at this one school subbing for several teachers! It was fun, rewarding and trying all rolled into one. I have a few more jobs lined up this month and April for teachers in this school.

I have subbed for a Kindergarten class and WOW is all I can say! They are SO full of energy! They have a little LESS structure than what I like BUT I had a blast with them. I learned real fast that: 1. Members of the same family should NOT be in the same class. 2. Kindergarteners tattle on EVERYTHING. 3. Three boys going to the bathroom at one time is a MISTAKE! 4. Kindergarteners are so sensitive and sweet! But I loved every minute of it! (I also saw a student get picked up in a hearse which I thought was interesting!)

I worked with 5th grade Science and loved it as well. The subject area for 5th graders is fun and interesting to me!! The behaviors were a little outrageous especially since the day before I worked with Kindergarteners but it was still enjoyable! I heard a 5th grader say "She's got more cushion for the pushin'!" I thought to myself "WHAT THE HECK DID HE JUST SAY?!" LOL Never a dull day in substituting!!

I subbed for a 5th grade class this week at the Ballet school again. I felt confident teaching everything but when I saw the Math I thought, "Fractions, Decimals and Factors, OH MY!" LOL Luckily I had the book to refresh my memory and Math went without a hitch! I even helped a student and had an "AH HAH" moment! It made my day!!! I love 5th grade and fractions REALLY aren't that bad! I actually kinda liked it!! I really wouldn't mind a 5th grade position at all!!

When I was shopping in Wal-Mart today with Dustin I felt a little kid hug me. I turn to see who it is and it was a Kindergartener I had earlier this week. She ran up and hugged me! It was SOOOOOO stinking cute! My heart melted and I walked around the rest of the day with a big ol' cheesy grin on my face! I cant believe she remembered me! (I know it was this week but still.)

I noticed I have been getting calls daily and from some of the schools that I have been subbing more frequently! Hope they keep coming! It makes me feel good, makes me feel like I am getting really close to my dream of having my own classroom! I can feel it! It is SO close! Keep praying for me y'all!

Sometimes things must fall apart for other things to fall into place.

These last few weeks I have been praying like CRAZY! And I must admit, I feel closer to God than I ever have! It is a great feeling. I have been praying for friends,  family and even the people I am not too fond of and it gets easier. The people I used to have a hard time saying prayers for- it no longer leaves a bitter taste on my tongue. I feel like that is an accomplishment!

Several other things have been in the works for me as well.
I have completed ALL my substitute paperwork and actually subbed 2 days last week, would of been 3 but more on that later! I HOPE I will receive more calls this week. This is how it started: On Monday, January 23- I got a phone call at 6:30 in the morning. As you know I work 15 hours on Sundays and I was planning on sleeping in and enjoying my day off. But when that phone rang and I accepted that job I had energy like no tomorrow! I literally had 45 minutes to drop Dustin off at work, come home, shower and get to the school. I made it! That day I taught music at an Elementary School. It was amazing to get back in the schools again! I LOVE teaching and I love those little kids! I do have to say THANK GOD I took band or I would have been screwed! I taught the recorder, played rhythm bingo, taught a new song and played xylophone! None of this would have been possible without Mr. Thomas, Mr. Kuzero, and Mr. Washburn! LOL I had a blast!

Then on Tuesday, January 24- I was prepared to go into Pyramid  but I got a phone call at 8:00am. I was SOOOOO excited. So I let Pyramid know that I wasn't coming in and told them I would explain later. The job I got called in for was 3rd grade at a Ballet School. And I am not going to lie when I heard this I freaked a little and thought to myself- "Self, as long as you are not teaching Ballet you are good to go!" This ended up being a fantastic day! I had huge breaks because the students went to French for a while, then went to Ballet and lunch. After lunch we came back and did math, reading and social studies. It was great! I love the 3rd grade curriculum. I didn't get a call on Wednesday and Thursday and was super sad about that. Then Thursday night I got a phone call from Pyramid asking me to drive the van Friday morning and to decline a job if I got a sub call. I said I would because they said I would be driving then put in the art room. I got a call an hour later from the school I interviewed at and the Principal personally put me on the sub list. So when I had to decline it it hurt my heart. Then as I am driving the van the next morning I got another call. Then on top of all this!!!! I get put in a DIFFERENT classroom. One with several behaviors. This made me mad at first because I was like, "I missed out on teaching jobs for THIS!??" But I realized as I thought more about it and the day progressed that THIS is what God is teaching me. I felt like he was telling me to no longer LET people walk all over me and that it was MY time to do what I wanted. I needed to "DO ME" in a sense and stop putting my needs/wants on the back burner. I want to teach and that is what I plan on doing!!

I look forward to the up coming weeks and jobs I get. I just hope I didnt ruin my chances of getting more substituting jobs because I declined two this week!

LIVE, LOVE and PRAY!

Drugs are bad mmmm...kay

I do NOT understand why people do drugs. I do not see ANY postiives to doing them. None at all!

• They are a waste of money.
• They are addicting.
• They are bad for your health.
• Ruin ALL relationships.
• They are ILLEGAL.
• They allow you to make DUMB decisions.
• They mess up your brain permanently.
• They make you act like a freaking weirdo!
• Make you look UGLY!

I am sure there are several more but these are the major ones and I don't know about you but there are NONE of those that I just HAVE to HAVE!

I work at a convenience store and I had someone come in looking for something to smoke crack out of. He was getting mad because we didn't have anything for him. It was scary because you don't know what they're going to do next. Its sad the people that come in there and by the swishers, good times, zig zags, rolling papers, etc. Everyone in the world knows what you are doing... Just sad....

Needed to vent sorry.

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012!

This year has been filled with LOTS of great things for me and my family and friends!

2011 Recap:
February 27: Dustin and I got engaged! (Can't find a good picture of my ring but this is where we got engaged.)

March: Baby nephew Carter was born!

May 12: Dustin and I got married!

June: Completed first year of teaching. Packed up my life in NC.
July: Dustin and I moved to Ft. Walton Beach, Fla. 
August: Dustin and I moved into our first apartment.

November: Rissa got her first job!We went back to North Carolina to VISIT family. Got to see Breaking Dawn Part 1 with my BESTIE!
December: First Christmas on our own.

As you can see this was a BIG year for me and mines!! While this was a very great year I am looking forward to 2012. There are several things I would like to happen this year which is where some of my New Years Resolutions come into play!! I made a huge LONG list of resolutions last year and only accomplished one, kinda. Well, technically I have no idea where that list is but the only resolution I remember is: To read as many books as I can. I accomplished this by reading 68 books! I am not sure if I can read this many next year but I will try to do at least 50!! (Resolution UN-numbered!)

My New Years Resolutions for 2012 are as follows:
1. To lose weight. I want/need to lose about 100 pounds. Seems like a lot and seems like it is unreasonable but it is necessary. I want to be healthier and we want to have a baby this year. (At least be pregnant by the close of the year). I want to take better care of myself as well.
2. I want to travel. I want to go on a cruise this year and travel to at least 3 places I have never been. (In state or out of state).
3. I want to be a better wife/homemaker. I want to learn to cook more meals and bake more. I want to try several new recipes. I also want to be better organized throughout my whole house.
4. I want to blog more and start my book. I want to blog about my weight loss, new recipes, books I have read and anything/everything.
5. Last but not least I want to get a teaching job. If I do not get a teaching job then I am going to look into the military thing again. I would rather teach BUT I need to think of a career.

I invite you to follow me this year!!!! I hope 2012 is as good as 2011!!! Happy New Years

P.S. Smaller New Year's Resolution... I need more pictures of me, me and Dustin and me and Tiffany! I was trying to find some for my blog... None of me and Tiffany. None at all.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight!

Well, this is me and Dustin's first Christmas without our families. It was literally just me and him, all day long. It was also our first Christmas as a married couple. He has been itching to open presents since we got sent home with them during Thanksgiving. (He did open one on the drive down, though I am not suppose to tell. LOL) Last year we spent Christmas with our friends who are like family but this year they went to Virginia.

Our first Christmas day as follows:
10:00 am- I woke up (Hey, I took a NyQuil last night, I'm sick!) I yell to Dustin to wake up because it is Christmas and I want to open presents now. He moans and goes back to sleep. So I come out to the living room and watch Christmas movies.
11:00 am- I eat a pop tart and yell in to Dustin. He doesn't budge. I keep watching my Christmas movies.
12:00 noon- I finally go in and jump on the bed for him to wake up. He gets up and we open gifts. We made out like fat rats. We got a crock pot, George Foreman grill, some casserole dishes, towels and pot holders for the kitchen. We got some things to decorate our house as well. Dustin got some stuff to go camping with. I got stuff to make me smell good and look younger. Guess they're trying to tell me something. LOL. I got a gift certificate to get a manicure and pedicure. I cant wait to get it! We are both thankful for our gifts, thank you everyone!
1:00 pm- Start laundry, argue, do dishes, Dustin takes down tree, argue some more (can you feel the love, lol)
3:00 pm- watch Christmas movies, make lunch
4:00 pm- watch more Christmas movies
5:00 pm- see above
5:45 pm- watch Christmas movies and cook Christmas dinner together (Dinner consisted of Ham, mashed potatoes, veggies, bread and pie)
6:30 pm- Eat dinner watch footage of Packers vs. Bears Rivalry
7:15 pm- Watch Green Bay vs. Chicago Bears game  (Go Green Bay)

8:45 pm- Still watching game... while I am blogging. Green Bay is winning!!

The best thing about Christmas is being off of work. The next best thing is the Christmas movies. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE Christmas movies. I could watch them all day, every day. Thank goodness for Dustin's sake, they're only on around this time of year. Also, cannot forget the reason for the season... Jesus. Happy Birthday!!!

Update on life for us:
Dustin is still loving his job. I am still hating my 2 part- time jobs with full- time hours. I have asked one to cut my hours though so I am getting more sleep BUT, I am sick now. Seems like now that I have slowed down I have gotten sick. Booo. Stuffy nose and ears, bad cough, wheezing in my chest, sore abs and sides from a horrible cough= NOT COOL. All this coughing gives me a headache. Hopefully I will be better by tomorrow. School starts back not this week but next week and they will be seeing my white behind up there. I want/need a teaching job ASAP. I want to make a difference and want to feel like I am doing something with my life.

Last thing before I sign off: I have been hearing about people paying other peoples layaway's off and it has just melted my heart. One guy in California paid $15,700 to pay off everyone's layaway. Another guy in Destin paid off  $2,700 worth of layaway which was 20 peoples stuff. Those stories are amazing to me. But should Christmas be the only time we do that? I don't think so. And so with this I am going to try and do things like this for people when I can. While I can not spend $15, 000 or $2,000 I can buy someone drink or dinner at a drive through. Dustin and I have come up with some other things we are going to start doing. Think about what you can do to make someones day and do it!

Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way. ~Native American Saying

It is November... that means Thanksgiving and a time to GIVE thanks. Every day this month I have put things that I am thankful for as my Facebook statuses. I feel like I have a lot to be thankful for! Number 1:  I am thankful for knowing God. Thankful that I have a relationship with Him. I feel like this is so important. Since it is November and this is MY blog I here are a list of some of the things I am thankful for. (In no particular order.)

-To be alive, breathing and healthy.
-My 5 senses. I can taste my food and enjoy it. I can see all the beauty around me- leaves changing, beautiful ocean view, etc. I can hear music (I LOVE music!), people talking, regular noises you would normally dismiss.  Smelling and feeling, well most people can do that.
-My husband for doing everything he does. He cooks, cleans and is a handyman plus so many other things. I would even go as far as saying that I am thankful that he gets on my nerves as well. (Like this morning ;-D )
-My mom, sister and family (this includes in laws.) I love and miss them all!
-Thankful for my jobs, even if there are several aspects that I do NOT like about them. My job at Pyramid has humbled me and made me VERY appreciative.
-Thankful that we were able to move to Florida and get our life started on our own. Thankful for my apartment and everything in it. (As little as we have.)
-Thankful for having an AMAZING best friend, Tiffany. Tiffany has been my friend through ups,  downs and upside downs. You name it we have been through it! She has never bed mouthed me, nor I her. She has always been there... whether we went 6 days or 6 months without talking we ALWAYS pick back up to where we left off.
-^^ The previous one includes her kids! She has the most amazingly fantastical kids in the world. To say that Dustin and I love them would be an understatement. A HUGE one. I am SOOOO thankful that I get to watch them grow up and be a part of their lives.
-^^  ^^ This includes Brandon... Tiff's hubby and the amazingly fantastical kids dad! Brandon has helped Dustin and I SO much! He found our apartment for us, told Dustin where to apply for his current job plus he makes my BFF happy. :-D
-Thankful for my ability to read and write. I could not imagine my life without doing either. I LOVE reading and am trying my hand at this writing thing. (Hopefully I will start my book soon.) There are so many people in this world who do not know the joy of reading. My hope as a teacher is to get several students to LOVE reading like I do.
-Thankful for anyone and everyone who prays for me. Anyone who mentions my name to the man upstairs, thank you! I need it!
-Thankful for everything that has led me to where I am today despite all the trouble I had to go through to get here.
-Thankful for the relationship my dad and I now have after 20 years.
-Thankful for my mom, who NEVER gave up on me when I know there were several days years she "wanted to put me through a brick wall!" (Her words, not mine.)
-Thankful to the women who always seemed to know I needed a mentor.... Rita Johnson and Norma Gould (Momma G). Rita Johnson was in my life during my Fort Bragg years and I really have no idea if she understands the impact she had on my life. My mom was a single mom in the military and she took me into her home with her son and family. She would take me on trips when she went to Carowinds, sleep over at her house and watch movies, etc. She was there when I needed her. I am forever grateful that she was there and I plan on repaying the favor myself one day!
Momma G... she had my rougher teenage years. LOL She is the mother of one of my other best friends, Debra. Debra has a confidence that I want... Love her! She is so smart and beautiful... she is going places. Mark my words! Momma G gave me the self- confidence I was lacking, helped me see the dumb decisions I made and helped me realize my potential. She is the reason I went to college. Ms. Rita and Momma G are the reasons I went into teaching. I want to be like them! I want to help kids the way they helped me. I am thankful for them Ms. Rita could have just seen me at the Youth Center M-F but she took me under her wing. I love her for that and it meant the world to me then... even more now because I see and understand she did not have to do that. Momma G could have just let me go to bed that night I stayed over at Debra's and not listened to a word I said but she didn't. She listened and believed in me.... all I wanted. Thank you.
-Thankful that I will be in North Carolina in the next 48 hours. I can't wait to go to my home town and see my friends and family. I miss them.

Last but not least, I am thankful for ANY and EVERYTHING that you can be thankful for. Mostly for things we take for granted.

Time is what we want most, but... what we use worst. ~Willaim Penn

Wow... So my last post was 2 months ago!!! Since we have moved to Florida time is passing by so fast. I cannot believe I am 27 years old. I am so close to 30 it scares me. I haven't even accomplished close to all the things I plan to do by 30. Because I see time ticking by so quickly, now you better believe I will be knocking those things off my list at a rapid rate!

2011 is coming to a close. I can say that this year was pretty good to me, definitely better than 2010 but I am looking forward to the new year of 2012!

I had my first teaching interview in Florida today. It went well. During the interview they asked me a question about Fluency and for a split second I forgot what it was. I was so nervous.... but I recovered. I am hoping I receive a good call next week. It is for a 3rd grade position and the school seems absolutely amazing, all the staff are nice. It was just a great experience and I want to work there! I have all my paperwork turned in for 2 counties now so I am hoping I hear something soon. I put packets in for teaching and/or substitute teaching in both counties and have been praying hard for one or the other!

Dustin started his new job on October 18. He loves it so far and it's good pay. It is pretty much a tie between his electrical background and Papa Johns driving background because he delivers electrical supplies all over the panhandle and Alabama area. I am glad he likes it! He is also looking into going to school to pursue a degree so he can be a park ranger! I think that is a good choice, he loves the outdoors so he would be GREAT at it.

I am still working at the gas station for the time being but I picked up another job on October 19 (my birthday). I work at a "school" for disabled adults. I give mad props to everyone who works there. It is NO walk in the park. I have had to see/hear/do things that are not pretty. My heart aches for some of these people. In the 3 weeks I have been there, I realized that this is not something I can do for much longer. I would have quit but I was taught never to 'burn your bridges' and I just cannot being myself to quit after only 3 weeks. So I am in a dilemma. Like I said, I admire everyone in any "care-giving" field. It is just not something I can handle.

The time change has got me all messed up. Here in Florida it is bright at 6:30am and getting dark by 4:30pm and it is CRAZY!! LOL I guess we will get used to it! Still, I love it here in the "Sunshine State!"

Unless I get this teaching job, we will be going home or to our hometown as Brandon would say, for Thanksgiving! (Because Florida is our new home!)  Also, Dustin's best friend is getting married and he is the Best Man. :-D I know I am excited to see some friends and family! Oh and my kitties!! :-D

Well, that is about all that is going on here. I guess I will get off here and finish this Bears vs. Eagles game with my boo! Go Bears! (Only time you will ever here me root for them is when they're not playing the Packers!)

P.S I wanted to share this link. It is Awesome!