God speaks in His own time!

Yesterday was an amazing day for me! I feel like I heard God speak to me! I know y'all are thinking "Yea right!" But I did, and I know I did. I heard Him to tell me to, "Be patient." I was driving Dustin to work and someone cut me off and I got a little frustrated. All of a sudden I heard the words, "Be Patient" in my head! But I felt there was more to it than that... meaning be patient, I got something great in store for you. Right after that I saw a dragonfly fly right in front of my car. I couldn't help but smile. Those of you who know me, know the significance of dragonflies to me. Right after that I called AND GOT THROUGH  the radio station Highway 98 and qualified for a pontoon rental and a concert in Tampa.I have been trying since last Friday!!! The rest of my day was great!

Let me back up by saying I prayed really hard and longer than normal that morning. Wednesday was a rough day for me. I was sad, upset, frustrated and feeling down all day long. When I woke up yesterday I did not want to feel that way so I prayed long and hard for all my friends and family who are struggling and who weren't, for me and my mood, for my patience to be better, etc. I feel like the Lord delivered when he knew I needed it most. If I wouldn't have been listening I would have missed it! I am soooooo glad I didn't!

Praising God for everything! Thank you Jesus!

Praise Him in the Middle of it!

There is a song called "In the Middle of it" by Isaac Carree that got me through this week! I listened to it at least 20-30 times. I made sure I listened to it first thing in the morning when I was getting ready for work, when I was feeling down, when I felt like things weren't going my way, or when I was just feeling discouraged. This song helped A LOT!! Not only is the message positive but it is upbeat! Bonus: The guy is from North Carolina! :-)

I even branched out and asked some friends, that I know listen to the same kind of music I do, for some recommendations on gospel and christian rock music. I got several names and have listened to a few and really like most of them!! I look forward to continuing finding GREAT music! I feel that it is important for me to surround myself with His word or else it will be easy for me to walk away from it again!

I started reading a Daily Devotional on my phone. I like it because it gives me a short Bible verse and then explains it in a way that I can understand it, with REAL world issues. It gives me a shot of God. I like to read it before I even get out of bed in the morning. It does wonders for my day! I was talking to one of my friends (one of whom I got the great music advice from) and she reads a daily devotional book by a lady named Sarah Young. I will be buying that book on Friday so we can do it together. I like the short, fast one on my phone but I really want to spend time learning the word too. And my friend says this devotional book is really good!! Can't wait!

Some important lessons I've learned this week:

• "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 This has helped me get through the week. I feel this goes along with my Trials and Tribulations post from last week because I KNOW God is working on His relationship with me and that is why I am going through these struggles. I am having these moments of weakness so that I will use God's grace to get through while praising Him to help me strengthen my faith in Him.

• "Teach me your ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth! Grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you." Psalm 86:11 The best way to learn the ways of the Lord is by reading the Bible to see examples from the past and understanding Jesus' words. We also learn through listening to other believers who follow Christ. The final way we learn is when we honestly seek God. He will reveal His will through our thoughts and convictions. While we learn His way we will still struggle but it will help to pray: "Lord, please grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you."

• "And don't sin by letting anger control you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil." Ephesians 4:26-27 Ohhhh, this one is a HUGE one for me!! It is SO easy for anger to get the best of us!! And how many of us go to bed mad? Or leave mad? It is okay to walk away from a situation when you are upset, but only for a short time- to cool off. You must go back and give forgiveness or else you are allowing the devil to dwell inside you. Anger can deteriorate your relationships... anger turns into resentment and irritability which will kill any relationship. God provides peace, grace and forgiveness. 

I have been enjoying talking with my friends and family about their faith and their journeys. I have enjoyed all their input and the help they've given me with my journey (that is still going on). I look forward to where I can go and what I can do with God by my side.

P.S. Still no word on teaching jobs. I have applied to several more in the last week, emailed principals AND dropped off resumes. No Luck. Please say a prayer for me to get a GREAT teaching job where I will be the MOST useful!

Trials and Tribulations

Things haven't been easy for me lately. I am not whining or trying to throw a pity party. I am simply using this as the foundation to this post, in hopes that it may give someone who is questioning WHY, some help.

Sitting down and praying to God has been hit or miss with my lately. I have been WANTING to pray daily but never get around to it or have some excuse. I find myself praying only when I need or want something. Is that fair? No, and what kind of relationship is that? Would you want to be in a relationship in which you give more than you take? While reflecting one night I prayed and asked God to help me have a better relationship with Him, to please make me WANT to know AND need him daily. I did not know what I was asking. Matter of fact, I still don't! I had no idea of the trials and tribulations God would put on me, nor do I know the ones that are in store for me! But I have learned that that with God by my side I will be okay! I just need to keep my faith!

I haven't been to church in a long time, not since I moved to Florida. I have officially lived in Florida for 2 years. As soon as we moved here I found a job working at a gas station in which I worked 15 hours every Sunday (7am-10pm). Working those kinds of hours I could not attend church. I told myself and God that if I was able to leave the gas station (financially) then I would find a church and work on my relationship with God. God allowed this, as my last day at the gas station was June 9. Since then 4 Sundays have passed. Today was number 5 and I finally honored my promise and made it to church! In the last few weeks leading up to today several things have been great! Other things as far as my career have been "the road less traveled," in other words, rough. I was struggling and praying to God to help me fix these things. It wasn't until this Friday, July 12, that I realized what I was going through! I was going through Trials and Tribulations! On this day something terrible happened to me while I was working at the gas station (I was doing the owner a favor just for 2 days so he could attend his religious festival.) I am not ready to talk about what this "bad" is yet but I will share at a later time! I promise. I goggled, because Google has the answer for everything, Trials and Tribulations and what I found impacted me tremendously!

Trials and Tribulations are put on God's children to test us to stay loyal to God and to trust that he will get us through our conflict. God gives us these conflicts to help build our relationship with Him, to help increase your faith and trust in Him, that you will ask, Lord please help me get through this. He wants you to turn to Him in your time of dire need. This is a time where it can make or break your faith! This morning I went to a church my friend attends. She was not able to come today so I went alone, probably better anyway since I was a blubbering mess. But can you guess what this mornings message was??? It was Prophet Endurance..... in another words Prophets trials and tribulations. Think that is a coincidence?? I am not so sure.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Think about all of the Prophets in the Bible....Jeremiah, Daniel, Job, Jonah, Hosea, Zechariah, John the Baptist, Peter, Paul, James and even Jesus. Now think of their stories, think of their trials and tribulations and all the conflicts they went through. Daniel was a slave. Could we remain faithful dealing with what Daniel went through? Hosea married the prostitute Gomer and continued to forgive her. Could we have that kind of forgiveness for our spouse? Jonah disobeyed God and refused to go to Nineveh and got on a ship to sail in the opposite direction. He ended up jumping ship and was swallowed by a great fish. In this whale's belly where he sat for 3 days and 3 nights he repented and cried out for God. How many times have you ignored the word of God... or simply not heard it!? During these trials, during these tribulations we need to be patient and have trust, faith, praise and prayer with God. He is teaching us the endurance we will need later in life.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12

One last tidbit of information... One should not confuse trials and tribulations with consequences to your bad actions. There is a fine line.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

The topic of the day is broken promises.

Well, where to begin? Seems my days are full of broken promises anymore. I don't know who or what to believe anymore. Life seems to be slowly falling apart. The one upside to all of this is my job. I finally got a teacher assistant position at a school I love with some SUPER amazing kids and staff. When I am at school I feel happy and free of burden. This may not make sense to you. While my job is physically demanding nothing in my life at this point gives me more joy than being at work. I feel let down in these other aspects of my life and part of me feels like it is my own fault. Do I put too much pressure on the people in my life? Am I forcing them to live up to my standards that are too high for them to reach? Are those goals unattainable?? I don't know. But it seems to me, that I am the ONLY common denominator.....

So, my husband and I moved to Florida last year to "better" ourselves. It has worked... kinda but it has been super hard. We have no family here, only a few friends/a family. So when we get into a bind, we struggle. When we want to be close to family we have to plan a month or so ahead of time. We decided that is all stuff we were okay with when we moved here. And I still feel the same way, HOWEVER, it is so hard when you do not have family and friends to fall back on in your time of need. It is enough to make you feel alone. My best friend is out of the state while her house is being built and we promised to keep in touch and skype with her and the kids we have only talked a handful of times and skyped once. I know she is busy, far busier than I am, it still sucks. It is horrible that you find stuff out on Facebook and that I cannot just drive to her house to hang out with her and the kids anytime. It is hard going from talking everyday to a few times a month, from living 5 minutes from each other to 5 states apart. My mom and sister are unreliable when it comes to communication. I know my mom comes by it honestly... hell she barely calls HER mom. My sister, on the other hand, I am not really sure what her excuse is. I have tried being nice, being mean, texting, calling and get shot down every time. At some point I have to give up, I have already. I know she is busy in her life but we use to be close and I would like to keep that relationship.....but if she felt the same way we would have it. I have done all that I can do.

I feel that everyone I know is moving ahead in their lives and here I am sitting at a standstill. I hate when people say they are going to do something and promise to do it and then DON'T DO IT! Vice-Versa.... if someone promises me that they wont do something  over and over again but then DO IT over again and again.... At what point do you kick those people out of your life? 

12 days till school starts, SEVERAL jobs applied for, no phone calls

I have been waiting patiently for a phone call for at least an interview!! I have applied to several jobs in Okaloosa and Santa Rosa Counties and have not received one phone call! When I say several... its been at least 30. I do have a great substitute position lined up from the first day of school till the end of October and I am super excited about that. It is in a great class, with amazing kids and an awesome teacher! I am looking forward to that but I would like something more permanent and better paying. I don't think that is too much to ask!
I am setting myself a timeline... because I am almost 30 and by the end of this timeline I will have been looking for a teaching job for one whole year. If I have not found a permanent teaching job (or teacher assistant) by December/January then I will just look for a regular job. I need to be realistic... Teaching is a 30 year commitment so I need to start ASAP. I want to have kids, need insurance and would like to quit my 2nd job (the gas station). I am tired of working 15 hours on Sundays (so I can go to church) and having a boss pressuring my to constantly work more hours. I am not ready to give up just yet. But for the next 4-5 months I will be giving this problem to God. If He feels this is where He needs me then He will make it happen. If not, then He will open something else up for me. I am ready for whatever He has in store for me- and I will embrace it with OPEN arms.
I went to visit my Grandma in Wisconsin last month. I got to spend a week with her. It was so hard seeing her in pain. She had some good days and some bad days while I was up there. That was hard. The constant roller coaster of emotions. It broke my heart because at the end of every visit she would hug me and say, "I love you so much, and don't you ever forget it!" And on the last day we were there she said the same thing and broke down crying saying, "Never be afraid to say I love you, Kelani." Ugh, breaks my heart just thinking about it. I am glad we got to see her and spend time with her but I know she know it will be the last time we see her. :-( She is no longer eating solid food or pureed food. She is only drinking soups and juices. She seems to be hanging in there for now.

"Learn to appreciate what you have, before time makes you appreciate what you had."

I received some REALLY sad/bad news last night. Then I heard it straight from the source tonight.

There are several harsh realities in life... things far more important than difficult times, disappointments, failures, etc. What I am talking about is sicknesses- such as cancer. Cancer is not something you choose but rather something that chooses you. The dreadful thing about this sickness is that there is no cure and new forms of cancer are found daily.

Over the last few years I have seen and heard of people who have cancer, people who have beat cancer and people who have lost their battle. It is sad. Both of my grandfathers have died from different forms of cancer. It is heartbreaking the amount of people and their families fighting this illness. Everyone knows someone or of someone touched by the big "C".

The point of this post it to let people know that life is short. As you know, once you are out of school and in the working world TIME FLIES. Make the best of it. Tell your loved ones that you love them and let them know how important they really are. Treat your family members with love and respect- just because they are here today does not necessarily mean they will be here tomorrow.

I know this sounds cliche but I had to let out what I have been feeling. Do not put off phone calls or cards.... pick up the phone and take those 10-20 minutes out of your busy day to let someone know you were thinking of them. Use the $ .32 or $ .42 stamps (however much they are now) to send a card or letter just to let someone know you were thinking of them. After all, it is the small gestures that REALLY mean the most. It is those small gestures that people will remember.

Regrets. I know you don't want a loved one to pass on without you telling them how you feel. So take the time NOW to do the things you want to do but are too busy to do.... or THINK you are too busy to do. Otherwise, you will be wasting a lot more time than it would have taken with regrets. (Trust me, I know a lot about regrets and you do NOT want to be stuck with  "what if's"!)

“Sun is shining. Weather is sweet. Make you wanna move your dancing feet.” Bob Marley

I have had some interesting developments since I last posted!

First, I joined a local gym! I have lost 9 lbs and I plan to lose A LOT more. I officially started May 14, 2012 so Monday will be 3 weeks. I am happy with the results so far and am no longer as tired as I once was! I plan to lose about 40 pounds by the end of summer- that is about 14 weeks. I think it is reasonable and challenging at the same time!
I have set some small goals to keep me going:
-When I lose 10 pounds I am going to get a manicure and pedicure, maybe get my eyebrows done too!
-When I lose 20 pounds I am going to get my hair done! I need it and it will help me feel pretty! So why not!
-When I lose 30 pounds I am going to buy me a few summer dresses!

When I accomplish those goals I will pick new ones and keep going from there! I am excited for this new beginning. I am also using an app on my phone it's by www.myfitnesspal.com. This is an amazing app. I put in my food intake and it calculates how many calories I take in. When I exercise it subtracts calories. It allows me to add how much water I drink, etc. It keeps up with the weight I have lost too! I can also add friends who are partaking in this journey with me. It makes it fun! Check out the website and add me, my name is kkarnes19. :-D

I was told in the beginning of May that I wasn't going to be needed for summer school but last week they told me that they had a position for me! I gladly accepted. It is only 3 days a week from 8-12 but it is a start. I must have some friends in "high places" praying for me. I know I do! I am so excited. Keep em coming! I would love a teaching job starting in August! I have big ideas for my own classroom! :-) I know God has a plan and I intend on following it!

That is about it for now! I will post more as things happen! I plan on spending as much time at the beach as possible!! I want to get tan!! :-)

Here is an article that motivated me! This is an amazing man! http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/man-loses-370-pounds-old-fashioned-way-reclaims-100129123--abc-news-health.html